PLEASE DON’T EAT ZOMBIE BUGS TO GET HIGH

Last week, Harper’s Magazine authored one of the strangest tweets that we’ve ever seen. It stated, quite simply, and without almost any context: “Scientists advised against consuming hypersexual zombie cicadas infected with psychoactive fungus.” There’s a lot to unpack in that one little sentence. But unfortunately, the accompanying link was completely useless.

The associated “article” from author Rafil Kroll-Zaidi is actually a monthly column featuring an incomprehensible word-salad of unrelated topics, headlines, and brief impressions of recent news and events. You should really attempt reading it sometime; the absurdity of publishing something like that is almost comical. But regardless of the source, we had to learn more!

Please note that the sentence actually begins “scientists advised” as opposed to “scientists advise.” Maybe it’s just awkwardly written in the past tense. However, it appears to specifically warn other scientists against eating hypersexualized zombie insects – rather than the public at large. So, perhaps it’s no surprise that we imagined a dangerous new craze among zombie researchers akin to the classic 1990 cult film Flatliners, wherein medical students are pushing the boundaries of science by ingesting infected bugs. Believe us, it’s not as crazy as it sounds.

Most scientists, academics, and research teams are often stereotyped as straight-edge nerds. Of course, this simply isn’t true; come join us at the next Theorizing Zombiism Conference or Zombie Apocalypse Medicine Meeting to find out how wrong you really are! But would they actually eat zombie insects to get high? And what are “hypersexual zombie cicadas” anyway?

We managed to track the origin of this ridiculous tweet all the way back to a research paper published by Fungal Ecology. However, the actual headline is taken from a sensational piece by WVUToday titled “‘Flying Salt Shakers of Death’: The Lives of Fungal-Infected Zombie Cicadas, Explained by WVU Researchers” in which they describe the tenuous connection:

West Virginia University researchers have discovered that a cicada fungus called Massopora contains chemicals similar to those found in hallucinogenic mushrooms.

“They are only zombies in the sense that the fungus is in control of their bodies,” said Matt Kasson, assistant professor of forest pathology and one of the study’s authors.

For those of you wondering if you can get “high” from the psychedelic chemicals in a Massospora-infected cicada, Kasson’s answer is “maybe, if you’re motivated enough.”

“Here is the thing,” he said. “These psychoactive compounds were just two of less than 1,000 compounds found in these cicadas. Yes, they are notable but there are other compounds that might be harmful to humans. I wouldn’t take that risk.”

Zombie Research Society members already recognize Ophiocordyceps unilateralis; perhaps more commonly known as Cordyceps. It has the ability to infect ants, tarantulas, and was the real-life inspiration behind the popular survival horror video game The Last of Us, developed by Naughty Dog and published via Sony Computer Entertainment, all the way back in 2013.

In fact, our friend and Assistant Professor of Biology over at the University of Central Florida, Dr. Charissa de Bekkerour, has dedicated her entire life to studying the parasitic manipulation of this deadly zombie fungus. But what about that strange new description of Massospora cicadina as some sort of weird “hypersexual” zombie fungus? Well, the article briefly explains that odd bit of trivia as well. Apparently, the male zombie cicadas try to mate with everything.

Of course, it’s a little more disgusting than that; Massospora cicadina consumes their genitals and butts. And “despite the horrid physical state of infected cicadas, they [still] continue to roam around freely as if nothing’s wrong, dousing other cicadas with a dose of their disease.”

So, to summarize: Insects are being infected by a fungus that turns the males into sex-crazed zombies. This fungus also contains a couple psychoactive chemicals similar to those found in hallucinogenic mushrooms. However, researchers suggest that you probably shouldn’t try eating them just to get high… unless you’re really motivated to do it, but that’s totally on you.

We’re not sure why it took Harper’s Magazine nearly three months to report that story, or why their tweet was so cryptic; but there you go! If you’d like to learn more about the dangerous zombie fungus known as Massospora cicadina, please check out the original research paper “Psychoactive Plant – and Mushroom – Associated Alkaloids From Two Behavior Modifying Cicada Pathogens” currently available online via ScienceDirect; it’s actually very interesting!

Of course, if you prefer a more exciting and straight-forward article, just swing by WVUToday. Either way, the Zombie Research Society totally disavow the eating of any zombified bugs, insects, or animals for any reason whatsoever. But you should still study new and fascinating research papers like these. Because, as we always say; what you don’t know could eat you!