ODDS SET FOR ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE

On Saturday, Oct. 25, Real Madrid upset the favorites Barcelona 3 -1, in the UEFA (footbal/soccer) League.  But whether or not you follow European football, you will still find this next story weirdly compelling (if not a little tongue in cheek… pun intended).

Dying Light game developers Techland teamed up with booking service Paddy Power, to try and determine the odds of whether or not a zombie apocalypse would be triggered by events during the game.

This might sound oddly specific, but when you realize that Barcelona’s Luis Suarez would be playing for the first time following his suspension for biting a player during the World Cup, it kind of makes sense.  It’s important to note that Suarez is actually very (in)famous for biting players in the past.  His cannibalistic tendencies have been widely documented.

Techland and Paddy Power examined all of the factors that would go into creating everything from a simple zombie outbreak among footballers to a full-scale apocalypse that would spill out into the rest of the world.

Following is a list of the various events, and the odds that they would occur during the game.

When will Suarez bite a player?
100/1     0.01 to 23.00 minutes
33/1       23.01 to end of first half
25/1       Start of second half to 68.00 minutes
25/1       68.01 minutes to final whistle

Where will Suarez bite a player?
33/1       Arm
33/1       Shoulder
40/1       Leg
40/1       Hand
50/1       Back
100/1     Foot

Specials
40/1       To bite the referee during play
25/1       To bite a team mate during play

Zombie Special
500/1     To start a zombie viral biting outbreak

Which player will Suarez bite?
50/1       Pepe
66/1       S Ramos
66/1       R Varane
80/1       C Ronaldo
80/1       G Bale
80/1       T Kroos
80/1       Marcelo
80/1       S Khedira
80/1       F Nacho
80/1       K Benzema
80/1       J Hernandez
80/1       J Rodriguez
80/1       Isco
80/1       L Modric
80/1       A Illarramendi
100/1     Lionel Messi
100/1     S Busquets
100/1     D Alves

So, according to the Odds Sheet above, it really begins with Suarez.  You will note that there are no odds on WHETHER or NOT Suarez will bite a player or referee, but just WHEN, and on which body part.  And apparently, not even his own team mates are safe (25/1).  But the odds of a full-scale zombie viral biting outbreak at 500 to 1 should be concerning.  Those are the same odds as dying of heart disease in the next year.

Well, thankfully Suarez did not bite anyone during the game, and the apocalypse did not occur.  But the problem is, Suarez is a chronic biter, and it really is just a matter of time.