IPHONE 6: IDEAL FOR THE UNDEAD

New thing get. It make phone good. Me like big… No, no, wait. I think we’re all tired of the typical zombie stereotype. Although, the living see us as something to kill and be afraid of, zombies are pretty much just like anyone else. That being said, my fellow undead brethren have elected me to review the new iPhone 6 and evaluate its compatibility for the undead.

Size and Shape: For those of us who are still adapting to the limited flexibility and dexterity of our extremities, or who are missing entire extremities all together, the new shape of the iPhone 6 is a huge advantage. Its increased size (4.7″ for the 6 and 5.5″ for the 6 Plus) lets it rest securely in the palm of your hand or that one clean spot on your leg.

The larger screen also makes using the phone a breeze. For those who still have two legs, the home screen can be turned horizontally for easier access and viewing. And, if the sharp edges of the older versions used to cut through your dried skin, worry no longer because the iPhone 6 has new rounded edges and corners. The screen also is made of new ion-strengthened glass, which reduces the chance it will shatter when your numb fingers inevitably drop it.

Hardware: One of the best new features on the iPhone 6 is the improved camera. The increased image stabilization helps to overcome the shakiness caused by uncooperative muscles and tendons, and you can record all of your video in HD quality at 1080p. Be sure to take clear pictures of all your friends, and link them to their profiles because, as we all know, memories can be . . . tricky after you die.

Another seldom talked about add on is a barometer. This will not only make your GPS more accurate but it will allow you to track the weather in your immediate vicinity. Remember my undead friends, rain may feel good on your skin, but it tends to wash it away if you aren’t careful.

Software: The new iOS 8 has a ton of features designed to aid the zombie of the future. Multitasking emails and interactive notifications make responding to messages much easier. Third-party keyboards allow you to use the typing software that works best for you, depending on how many fingers you have left. And, the Touch ID can now access third-party software, making it easier than ever to open and run various programs.

Siri and texting has been updated as well. Siri can be voice activated when the phone is charging. All you have to do is turn on the feature in the settings, and when you need her, all you have to say is “Hey Siri.” As for the texting, it will now learn from you and provide word prediction based on how you communicate.

Long story short, the new iPhone 6 is a great option for the zombie on the go. Its new size, greater durability and easier accessibility make communicating with your fellow undead easier than ever. And, for those of us who are less evolved: iPhone good. You buy now.