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BEST CAR IN A ZOMBIE PLAGUE?

BEST CAR IN A ZOMBIE PLAGUE?

What car do you want to be driving in a zombie outbreak? Contributor Jeremy Kenner completed his own study of zombie survival vehicles, and his findings are thought provoking to say the least.

Kenner developed a theoretical model that included various factors such as road conditions, fuel efficiency, government response, and evacuation tendencies. He concluded that when it comes to fleeing zombies bigger is not better. In fact the type of auto that Kenner recommends is a subcompact, such as the Smart Car seen parked sideways above.

His argument is simple, and all comes down to two factors: maneuverability and gas mileage.

According to Kenner, roads in a zombie outbreak will be clogged with so many other vehicles that driving over or through the many obstacles will be impossible in anything smaller than a tank.

“On a highway overpass, traveling tight city streets, or boxed in by steep drop-offs on a country road, larger vehicles will become immobile cages, fit for speedy abandonment and little else.”

Subcompacts, he says, are small enough to squeeze between other vehicles, weaving through seemingly impassible jams. They also provide the protection, stability and storage space that motorcycles lack, while maintaining comparable fuel efficiency and maneuverability.

So the next time you think of buying a Hummer to protect yourself against the coming zombie plague, Kenner says that you should think again. That old subcompact you’ve been dying to trade away might just save your life when push really comes to shove.

What do you think about Kenner’s assessment? What is your pick for the ideal gas-powered zombie vehicle?

29 comments

  1. 4x4s are overrated. Most people don’t know how to drive one in areas where it might be truly needed. Besides, as a vehicle becomes increasingly mechanically complex it also becomes more prone to breaking down. 4 wheel drive typically limits carry and towing capacity compared to a 2 wheel drive version of the same vehicle. A 2 wheel drive pickup with a limited slip rear end will go 85-90% of the places a 4×4 will go and can carry more. A brush guard is a good idea. I do agree that diesel is a better choice than gasoline. In terms of a winch, a “come along” (hand winch) is a good idea. It requires neither electricity nor a PTO. That said, the very best vehicle to take is the one you have when you need one.

  2. Old article or not, I will always be faithful to my trusty old Mercedes G-class with it’s pretty little diesel engine. I speak from experience when I say that thing can slam into a bloody mountainside and still drive away from it, so I’m sure it can run over a few zombies for me as well. Low-gear and lock and those zombies will have one massive problem – as would whatever sod got in the way with his little smartcar out here in the countryside.

  3. personally i would have to go with one of the tanks, apc’s or the deuce and a half out side where i work, plus where i work is a solid thick brick building surrounded by wrought iron fences.

  4. Green Bay Packers

    Toyota Hilux with a huge huge extended range fuel tank.

  5. The size of the vehicle should be dependant on how big your family or surviver group is. You’ll have to deal with the mileage accordingly…

  6. I would take a Toyota Hilux WorkMate 4×4 Double-Cab Pick-up Turbo Diesel Manual Trans if I could get one in the US. My second option would be a regular gasoline engine TRD 4×4 Tacoma.

  7. My pick is a 2006-2010 vw jetta tdi . They get really good mileage, like 45 to 50. they are diesel which is a fuel that lasts way longer than gasoline up to 25 years. where as gasoline only lasts 1 to 3. also the engines are really reliable and can last 250,000 miles easy. and they have huge trunks for being such small cars.

  8. Forget cars, procure a sailboat, take off for a little while until things calm down.

  9. My Pick is A Modified Jeep Grand Cherokee 1999 -2003 (last year for solid front live axle) 4.0L I6 select trac 4×4 (very dependable hard to kill engine) , because if there is a out break i want 4-wheel drive as all traffic laws are out the window in such event. Then it is easier to traverse any terrain (sidewalks lawns fields etc.). Has ample room for supply’s. Difficult to be tipped over ( a small horde could easily tip over a small car, trapping you inside) The modified comes in as make shift armor made up of chopped up metal bed frames and wire mesh to chain link fence over the windows (Easy to find and make up on fly. as you can probably find a bed frame in every house ) That is my pick and reasons for my pick

  10. brent dickerson

    no zombie I have ever seen can catch me on my Honda Sabre V65! lots of power, speed, and with the 6 speed overdrive I get over 50 mpg. I am going with my crossbow and my motorcycle.

  11. The best car is any car that has gas in it and has room for your BIKE! For a good zombie survival tactic a bike is essential. It should be your primary means of transportation and a car should be your disposable backup!

  12. Cars area no for me regardless of why is being said. A good mountain Bike for each individual should suffice. You might not be able t carry a convenient store with you but you will be able to carry the bear essentials. If something where yo go wrong, completely blocked roads for instance, you could simply lift up your vehicle and continue onward. There will be no need to worry about gas mileage. That is all up to your own physical ability. And even if you arnt very strong wit your legs, you can simply wait and recover somewhere safe. ( you won’t get tired if zombies are on your tale, adrenaline will keep you fueled.)

    – Conred

  13. it doesn’t matter much considering the usable fuel supply will be gone in a few months. anything big and powerful enough to push through the hordes to get us to a permanent stronghold would do. we would have roughly six months in which to make this trip.

  14. A modified vw Baja bug with a small lift winches and a sunroof the passenger can shoot from.

  15. Sorry guys, Max Brooks has it right. Use a bike. Fast, maneuverable, no fuel dependencies at all. Will be totally usable even on a vehicle jammed road. Can be carried over rough terrain as needed. It might not take passengers and has a low gear capacity but you packed your zombie bug out bag light for a reason and your legion of survivors merely needs a bike per person with perhaps a kid wagon or two that can be disconnected in a hurry.

    • Couldn’t agree more – but this article only considered cars, asking the question: which is best in that specific class of transportation.

    • You can’t run over zombies with a bike. And if one of them snags you, you’re dead. In the coming zombie plague I want to be able to use a car that will launch them 5 feet if not run over 2 or 3 of them; then come back around and splash their infected skulls on the pavement.

  16. Lucky me. I live right near a whole bunch of car dealerships. At the first sign of zombies I bet you know where I’m headed.

  17. No, so so wrong. This MIGHT be a good idea but this is making the assumption that you are going to be operating in an urban environment. If you are planning on surviving in a rural area (which you should be) a smart car would be about as useful as a 4X4 is in the city pre-plague.

    Sub compacts have virtually no ground clearance so unless you are driving on well maintained blacktop they’re useless. Secondly although you could potentially drive around obstacles what if that involved driving off the road onto grass or shale or anything but road, useless. Surrounded by zombies? what are you going to do in a smart car? push them out of your way with your mighty 40hp engine that is already carrying you, your gear and all the additional plating you would need to make it zombie proof in the first place? No? didn’t think so

    Dunmptruck has the right idea going with a diesel with big tanks, not only does diesel last longer, but a diesel engine can be run on vegetable oil with NO modification, giving you an alternative fuel source. Definitely get a 4X4, and when I say that I mean a real 4X4. not repeat NOT an SUV or hummer. despite what advertising might lead you to believe these are NOT real off road vehicles.

    I could write endless paragraphs about what you should get but lets suffice to say; If you want a real 4X4 go get your self a Toyota Landcruiser!!!!! there is no 4X4 on the planet that even comes close. Don’t believe me? do some research and find out what they drive anywhere you actually need a 4X4. Look at African game wardens, Australian outback Police etc. etc. Jobs in places where if you have the wrong vehicle you’re dead, zombies or otherwise.

  18. Ridiculous. Kenner thinks like a law-abiding-don’t-touch-play-nice noob. Tiny Smartcar? If it’s an apocalypse, there are no rules or limits. Why drive on the street? Drive through the neighbors yard. Off road will be more efficient most times. 4wheel drive a must. Obstacles? Push them out of the way with Horsepower or pull with a winch, and run down any nasties in between. Big vehicle a must for power, safety, and supply capacity. Fuel economy? It’s Free! You are selecting a survival device, not budgeting a SeeTheCountrySide road trip. Big Diesel vehicles have big tanks for long trips(and get pretty decent milage, too). Also remember that gasoline goes bad. That’s right. It goes useless after about 2 years. Diesel however, lasts for decades. When faced with a horde of Zombies I want the ability to drive THRU a building if necessary, go offroad when needed, and over a crowd without fear of being stopped by a few bodies, all while carrying everthing I need.

  19. I can see where hes coming from with the efficiency and maneuverability but, in terms of space for passengers it is lacking. Also as an added bonus most people would want to go for a bigger vehicle just for the moral boost that comes with being inside a giant hunk of rolling death, compared to something that can be flipped over by a small mob.

  20. Jeep. Go anywhere, do anything, decent gas mileage. Not the biggest, but definitely able to over obstacles that a Smart Car would never be able to tackle.

  21. When the plague hits I take the nearest vehicle I can find, stock it with everything I got and get out the city, I’m not taking the time to look for a smart car (and keys) and I am heading straight down devon.

    There’s this old coastguard house down in there, rarely used, 6 foot strong walls surounding and I understand there is already quite a few supplies there (bottled water, non perishable food and quite a bit of fishing gear) and it’s pretty remote. Nearest house is 5-6 miles odd away and it’s near a cliff next to the sea so fishing becomes a viable way of life and a escape boat could be taken and placed near incase the horde comes, also a few remote villages not far where the zombie population should be very low and mostly old people making easy raids for supplies.

    Is it strange that I have a plan should there be a zombie plague?

    • no not at all

    • Hey, um Devon? Like the street in Chicago? Meet up with me if you’re still alive (after the outbreak) just head west on Devon until you hit Cumberland then go to foster (idk north or south) and (coming from north) take right.

  22. I would want a hybrid SUV/crossover. I want something with a little bit more lift for off road needs if necessary. Also, if needed, to run over obstacles in my way, and a slightly bigger vehicle can carry more supplies. The hybrid factor gives it a lot better gas mileage as well.

  23. I see where the guys coming from but you’ll just feel safer in bus lol

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