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DO ZOMBIES BEAT VAMPIRES?

We’ve pointed out before that the biggest difference between zombies and vampires is that zombies are real, and vampires a fake.  That is to say that vampires are based in superstition and myth, while zombies are based in modern science.  But who would win in a fight if they could ever meet?

Our panel of experts compared zombies and vampires fighting in their traditional modes (zombies in large hordes and vampires alone or in small groups), and came up with a clear victor: zombies.  Here are some reasons why:

  • Vampires still have human emotions, and so can get lonely, discouraged, doubtful, depressed, and mentally defeated
  • Vampires traditionally fight hand-to-hand, the most dangerous way to attack a zombie
  • The zombie sickness is supremely contagious, so any blood exposure in the vampire’s eyes, mouth or wounds would spell doom
  • Vampires are allergic to sunlight, leaving them unable to battle much of every day
  • Zombies are constantly recruiting new reinforcements, leaving the option to either to fight now and die, or flee and die later

Some respondents went so far as the say that zombies would have an easier time defeating vampires than humans, because humans are more likely to fight the undead from remote locations, rather than in close.  Furthermore, vampires are concerned with their own well being, and the well being of their food source: the human race.  Zombies don’t care about the well being of anything, and are happy to end the world for their next meal.

What are some other reasons that zombies would win against their fictional foe?

23 comments

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  2. You can’t really compare vampires and zombies without choosing a very specific vampire mythos, and you’re mixing them in your parameters. Depending on what kind of vampire you use, vampires could theoretically defeat a zombie. For instance, some vampires have no souls, and do not experience any emotions whatsoever. Many vampires are believed to not have a heart beat, meaning that their blood doesn’t pump, making them immune to a traditional zombie infection. The most hated group of vampires in pop culture, the Twilight vampires, have skin as hard as diamonds, meaning a zombie would not have the strength to bite them, or injure them in any way. Most vampires do NOT fight hand to hand, they use swords, which are excellent weapons, provided you don’t get bit. And, vampires have the capacity to think, which is mankind’s greatest weapon against zombies, coupled with immunity to infection and superior strength. Meaning, if humans can survive the zombies, vampires sure as hell can.

    I’m still more afraid of zombies than vampires, though. Just, given the option, I’d rather be a vampire.

  3. I see you used a picture of Lestat. In the books, Lestat can deal with sunlight. He’s strongest than superman and he can’t get sick (so he can’t turn into a zombie) Oh, maybe I forgot to say that he has “powers” Yep, powers. He can fly, and reduce a zombie to ashes by just looking at him. Isn’t he cool? If he was real, he would have a great time playing with the zombies. But don’t worry, he’s a good vampire, he just kills criminals.

    I think maybe he’s more like a superhero?
    But, anyway, vampire’s are dead, if I were a zombie I would find something better to chew, yek! :D

  4. People I think we need to worry about the real issue, Zombie Vampires, we have to steak them AND get a headshot? considering zomibes don’t sleep and vampires fly and can use super speed, we will be essentially fucked

  5. Yeah I agree with the commenters, I think the panel of experts were biased toward zombies cause don’t vampies fly? Also, some of the things listed can also work FOR vampires. Human emotions (which zeds do not have) can get you pumped up and motivated to wipe out zombies. Vampires are also constantly recruiting new reinforcements. This is, of course, assuming they are classic unaware zeds and not like the kind in The Walking Dead or the “zombies” in 28 Days Later.

  6. If you would put this in a more “realistic” view, Vampirism would also be some sort of disease, no turning into bats, or smoke, and they would not truley be dead. Neither would the zombies. If you go all super natural Vampires and Zombies the vampires can sleep for hundreds of years and get stronger with age(turning into bats, mind control, super human strength) while zombies would be slow moving and mindless hordes moaning ans stumbling around. If I could fly???? I would NEVER get taken by a zombie and could kill thousand all by myself…..so “realistic” Vampire/Zombie = ZOMBIE
    “super natural” Vampire/ Zombie = VAMPIRE

  7. A zombie would have no interest in a vampire, as it is dead flesh. Let me point this out again, vampires are dead. Therefore the vampire could move along them without any worry of being bitten and just pluck zombies off left and right.

    But lets say for some reason a zombie wants a vampire, well then they fight. The vampire being smart attacks from a range… when the zombie gets close they become a bat, fly a bit away, then continue their attack. Only a “slow” vampire would get eaten by a zombie.

  8. Kill them all… humans win.

  9. vampires dont only have to fight hand to hand, they prefer it because of the fact that most have survived for 100s of years most of that time using hand to hand weapons. but also you have to look at the fact that vampires are just as adaptable as humans (being able to think as humans unlike the zombie menice) vampires also favor hand to hand over ranged weapons is because of there hightened speed and strength. but vampires are more then capable of using ranged weapons. so i think it would be a very fair fight.

  10. It would be interesting because vampires would protect their food source- which is human, or at least living. So my question is- would it be more like farmers protecting their crops from locust? or trying to stop Mad cow disease? or more of an unnatural alliance to defeat the greater evil?

    • At first it would seem to be an alliance, then after a generation or so, and humans become comfortable in their pens, it Definately switches to the farmer analogy..

  11. let’s clear up some things. zombies do not fight, they feed. they do not organize themselves. they do not use weapons. they do not want to kick some ass. the only thing a zombie is concerned about is feeding on living flesh. since a vampire is also an undead member of society, a zombie would never attack a vampire, because a vampire is not a food source. try to recognize that a zombie kangaroo rat would be virtually invisible to a rattlesnake. the jacobson’s organ would not detect the scent particles of a living animal and its heat-sensing pits would not detect the heat signature of a living prey-item. true, while in close proximity the snake’s eyes would clearly see the shape of a rat, it is the combination of information from all of the senses that compells a snake to strike at a potential food source. a snake is no more a strictly visual hunter than a zombie, which is why zombies are never seen biting revolving doors or trees blowing in the wind. the zombie is the most primal of predators, and it is because of this fact that a zombie would never win in a fight with a vampire. it is because there would never be a fight to begin with. being immune to a zombie’s sense of predation, a vampire could use his superior speed and strength to simply run around and rip the head off of every zombie in sight. and it would be just that easy. a vampire could remove a zombie’s head as easily as you could seperate two lego blocks. or he could use a sword. vampires are fond of blades. a single vampire could wander the earth chopping the head off of every zombie in existence. since a vampire is immortal, there would be more than enough time to accomplish this rather tedious feat. now, let’s discuss more important issues, like zombie suffrage, or zombie equality in the workplace. and i would like to see an end to zombie profiling at the airport.

  12. vampire legends vary so saying that they cant go out in sunlight is debatable, vampires traditionally fight hand to hand but stories have been said of using melee weapons for example swords, vampires are also stronger than humans and can have increased movement so would be much quicker than zombies the only problem vampires would have is the need of blood which is caused through porphyria. A rare hereditary blood disease, which causes the inability of the body to reproduce heme, the component of hemoglobin, which is the major component or red blood. Lack of heme causes a porphyriac to experience blood cravings, causing the sufferer of this disease to attack people or animals for their blood in desparate attempt to replace the heme their body could not generate. A driven porphyriac would do this without knowing why he/she had done it.

  13. wouldn’t the zombies leave the vampires alone because there… i dont know, dead?
    also i dont think that vampires have blood flow, and even if they did, there immune to most diseases that plague humans

    • I second this. Vampires are not only useless to zombies, but already being dead, are also immune to the zombie bite. In fact, vampires might be a saving grace in a zompocolypse… They are immune to zombies, and have a vested interest in keeping humans alive.. As food stocks. Perhaps some enclaves could employ the vampire as zombie guardians in exchange for fresh donated blood….

  14. A vampire could just bury itself for a long time until the zombies are dead/decomposed, but would still lose because they’re social creatures and if humanity is wiped out, they could only survive afterwards on animals, eventually becoming depressed and killing themselves.

  15. also, and this is pivotal… no zombie has ever been accused of being a sparkling little fairy.

  16. what about the fact that the blood of the (un)dead is often fatal to vampires? it’s hard to combat something knowing that one bite will kill you. the zombie just keeps staggering along.

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