Studying the inner workings of the undead is a primary area of focus for the Zombie Research Society. Broadly speaking, a great way to start thinking about this subject is to imagine that zombies are similar to old autos being used for a demolition derby.

Cars prepped for a derby are stripped down to their base essentials. The lights are removed, the seats are ripped out, the suspension is cut down to a minimum, the dashboard is stripped, and the radio is trashed. Anything that doesn’t directly assist in the accomplishment of the driver’s narrow objective is history. Just like a zombie occupying what was once a fully functioning human body, the demolition derby car is just a shell of its former self.

Furthermore, a derby car is not tasked with having a long and productive driving life. It’s only goal is to move about for a few brief seconds after the other cars on the track have died. Zombies are likewise not designed for longevity, but rather only need to live long enough to spread their infection to a new host.

Looking at the complex workings of a zombie through the lens of something as simple as a demolition derby sideshow helps to clarify the issues at hand. Everything from the zombie nervous system to it’s process of blood flow can and should be explained using this technique.


  1. ..and zombies, like cars, are not “Green” to the enviroment…not sure why I wrote that..maybe it was a brainwashing infomercial that made me do it. Damn, I feel like buying a Snuggie for some strange reason.

  2. That’s pretty damn genius… Never looked the undead quite like that… 🙂

  3. I can see the symmetry between the two and the allusion in which it is written is actually quite good. I think this would be a good way to assist those understand who are not that keen on the zombie genre.

  4. This does seem feasible, bar the point made about the lack of need for longevity. Surely if a zombie infection were to become a pandemic, eventually more people would be infected than not, at which point further infection would be detrimental to the survival of the virus, which would need a large supply of hosts to continue spreading the infection. This is seen in many bacteria on Earth today. To become dominant and to spread the infection into as many hosts as possible viruses and bacteria need to keep their hosts alive as long as possible. It is a common misconception that bacteria and viruses kill humans. This is quite untrue. It is in the interest of the parasitic life form to increase the life of the host, but unfortunately many parasites have negative effects on the human body, and as such can cause fatality, but this too kills the virus or bacteria that caused the death, thus ending the passage of the infection. If a zombie virus were to survive in the path of evolution it would need to develop into an infection that was not harmful to the host’s health.

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