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5 ZOMBIE STRATEGIES REMIXED

Cracked.com recently posted an entertaining article, 5 Popular Zombie Survival Tactics (That Will Also Get You Killed), that outlines several common mistakes people make when developing their zombie survival plan.  Unfortunately, the author only points out doomed strategies, failing to provide any constructive advice.

So here is our commentary on each of the five Cracked points, along with possible solutions to the problems presented:

5) RAID A GUN STORE, AND GET KILLED

The dangers of running to your nearest big box store when the zombies come have been well documented.  ZRS Survival Expert, Apocalypse Dan suggest that you not go out at all in the initial days of panic.  Stay home and stay safe.  Everyone is going to be looking to grab whatever supplies they can, clogging up the streets and Zombie Listparking lots, and killing each other over nothing.  The risk of getting shot, infected, followed home, or return to find your house looted or burned down is too great to make the potential benefit worthwhile.  Once the initial chaos passes, you can scavenge in relative safety (for Dan’s full article see: Loot Smart, or Loot Dead).

4) GET OUT OF TOWN, AND INTO A TRAFFIC JAM

True, at the first sign of zombies you don’t want to join the millions of other people who are desperately trying to head out-of-town.  The roads will be a clogged deathtrap in every direction, but staying put in a populated area is just as deadly in the long term (see: Dont’ Be A People Person).  What’s the solution?  Borrowing from the previous section, in the initial days of panic, stay home and stay safe.  The roads will soon clear up, as travelers either get away from urban areas, or die trying.  Your freedom of movement will be greatly increased after the initial wave of hysteria passes.

3) FORTIFY YOUR BASE, AND GET TRAPPED INSIDE

When building a defensive structure the last thing you want to do is accidentally create a tomb (see: Your Zombie Shelter a Death Trap?), but I don’t agree with the suggestion by Cracked that ANY fortified position is doomed to fail.  The reality of a dead world is that eventually all pre-collapse food will either be consumed or spoil, making a nomadic, scavenging life impossible.  A regular water source, planted crops, and domesticated livestock will become essential, and safe shelter to protect you and your possessions from undead, and living threats is crucial.

2) USE MELEE WEAPONS, AND GET INFECTED

The problem of deadly zombie blood spatter when using melee weapons is very real, but not something that can’t be addressed by wearing protective gear (see: More Dumb Zombie Survivalists).  Additionally, there are a wide range of weapons to consider, each with different advantages and disadvantages.  The fact is that less than 15% of the US population owns firearms, and the percentage is much lower in most other countries.  When the dead rise, most people will need to use some sort of edged or blunt object to defend themselves (for more see: Best Zombie Defense Weapon).

1) ALWAYS AIM FOR THE HEAD, AND DIE TRYING

Though it’s widely accepted that zombies are killed by destroying the brain, that doesn’t mean that they can’t suffer substantial damage from wounds suffered in other parts of the body.  This point is well made in the Crackled post.  A zombie with its kneecaps shattered may still want to eat you, but it’s probably not going to represent a credible threat dragging itself across the ground.  Research also suggests that aiming for a zombies chest, back and neck could prove as effective as a head shot (see: The Theory of Zombie Paralysis).

What do you think?  Comments, thoughts, good advice?

13 comments

  1. Another thing is a distraction. Say ur hiding and need to distract the geeks? Throw a rock into an adjacent room and suddenly, u’ve gotten them distracted enough to break through!

    • On that note, while scavenging a house or anything that require going through several rooms, knock lightly before entering a room if you hear shambling or moaning know that there might be a threat inside and be ready to dispatch it.

  2. On #4, you have to consider that roads will be clogged with the bodies and abandoned vehicles of the panicked masses. At best you’ll be able to get to a highway, at which point you’ll have to walk it through a kilometers long stretch of road with no easy escape method and a zombie hiding place every square meter.

    • Also try and stay ON the roofs of the cars because of grabbers. Read World War Z and the interview with the crash pilot. With a sprained ankle, she couldn’t climb on to the roofs, and had to chop off the arms. Grabbers are infected trapped within vehicles that had put on safety belts and with windows open.

  3. well it might be good to stockpile ammo and guns not to mention molotov making supplies!

  4. Given that most of us work away from the house, we probably won’t have much choice as to where we hole up. As for weapons, unless you carry a weapon with you, you’ll have to scavenge around your area. If you’re in an office building, there’ll probably be a fire axe somewhere.

    If you work in Kmart or one of those places, or even better, a Gander Mountain or Cabellas, you should be set to grab stuff and go. Though, for those people who are truly prepared, they’ll already have all this stuff stockpiled.

    As for foodstuffs, MREs and astronaut food is probably the way to go until farming and what not is worked out. High carbs if you are a runner, considering all the calories you’ll burn off.

    I’ve read that story on cracked.com before and thought it was lacking in what to do instead. But all in all, a good article.

  5. I have to say, everything in that entire article sounds like perfectly solid advice to me. Way to live!

  6. While it may suck in tight corners a staff sounds like a good weapon in a pinch. Great for breaking bones that are important for movement.
    It’s not the end all be all of zombie defense but it’s easier to escape the hordes if they have to pull themselves after you from broken leg/knee bones.

    just don’t get stuck in an alley where you may not have a good swing…

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