ZRS contributor Billy Poole submitted a study of secondary dangers during a zombie outbreak, with some interesting results.
Looking beyond the standard concerns, such as other humans, lack of water, etc., Poole focused particular attention on modern lifestyle habits that could amount to a substantial decrease in survival probability when suddenly taken away. What’s on the top of his list of hidden killers? Coffee and other caffeinated products.
When considering the highly addictive properties of caffeine, along with the frequency with which the average person ingests it, Poole’s findings should come as no surprise.
“Once the human body becomes truly dependent upon caffeine for normal daily functions, the absence of regular infusions of that chemical will likely render the subject in a state of incapacitation, totally unable to plan and/or execute any reasonable level of zombie defense.”
When preparing this post our intern Jack recounted a time when his mother deciding that his father was drinking too much coffee. She secretly switched all the coffee grounds in the house to decaffeinated, which almost instantly put his father in a near catatonic state. In bed for days with a “mysterious” illness, he couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t go to work, and certainly couldn’t fight zombies. Jack’s mom finally had to give up, and switch him back to the hard stuff.
Coffee junkies and energy drink fiends everywhere should consider this a warning. All the guns and ammo in the world won’t protect you from a zombie attack when you’re too weak and shaky to aim and pull the trigger.